Please critique my sales letter... Blogging Product

[90PercentAttitude]

This is for the new blogging product I've been discussing in another thread and I am in need of some additional eyes.

Please don't hold back, I want this product and it's promotion to be the very best it can be!

http://www.BrassRingBlogging.com/

(all order links have been disabled)

Thank you in advance,
Stephanie

[mattmarshall]

The sales letter is pretty vague.

I just skimmed it briefly but it's hard to pick out exactly what your product does... and more importantly, what it will do for me.

Also, you don't have a hook.

Matt

[90PercentAttitude]

Thank you Matt!

Can you give me some concrete examples?

Thank you,
Stephanie

[mattmarshall]

concrete examples of what?

[90PercentAttitude]

a hook

[mattmarshall]

http://ohpdirect.com/pro.php?sku=772G

The hook is "one legged golfer".

[JackieC]

hmmmmm....I agree. What is it and whats it do for me. Too much going on. Simplify the page a bit maybe. Don't give up though. Nothing is perfect the first or even second try. Determination is all it takes to make it in this business! You believe you can do it and you will! Best of luck!

[90PercentAttitude]

Hello Everyone,

Thank you all so much for your valuable input on the sales letter! I am happy to report that http://www.BrassRingBlogging is now live and officially in launch status. Lots going on at the moment, but the early returns have been spectacular. Such a great personal feeling to be helping so many others with their online success.

I have taken the sales letter suggestions and implemented a split testing process that will use the ideas I got here and pit them against several variables and we'll see where it all lands.

Thank you again to everyone!
Stephanie