I also found out the hard way that the money is not in the list. You are corect that it's the relationship with the list. Now some are good at this but most are not. I am not.
When I started out I built a list of over 25000 and I was not even making enough to pay the sutoresponder costs and getting the usual spam complaints. I just deleted the list and moved on.
Now the point I am making is you can make a good living online without a list despite what the gurus say. Work at what you are good at and if it's building a relationship with your list thats fine but don't believe all the hype.
Noel