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Sales page help please

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Sales page help please

Postby sherrinc » Tue Jun 30, 2009 12:35 pm

I would appreciate a critique of my camping product sales page. I've had over 1000 unique visitors in June but no sales. I would have thought I'd have at least one sale by now. Here's the link:

http://familycampingchecklist.com

Thanks!
Sherri
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review

Postby painternc » Fri Jul 03, 2009 2:21 pm

1) my opinion - there are way too many - camping- it doesn't read naturally. I was distracted cause I was thinking - the reason the word caping is used over and over is to get good SEO rating - but it distracted me.
2) Isn't it always good to start out with a question(s) Do your kids beg you for outdoor adventure but all you can think about is the hassle? I don't know what are some other questions you could come up with that people think about when they're getting ready to go camping?

Maybe include one of the recipes from the book in your copy.

I don't know - try lowering your price - use Lynn's Fast Cash Strategy of $10

Nan
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Postby Adrian Jock » Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:01 am

By clicking the button above you agree to purchase though Paypal the PDF version of "The Ultimate Famiily Camping Checklist" and bonus "101 Camping and Outdoor Recipes."


The paragraph above is not good at all.

1) correct the typo (famiily)

2) by saying "you agree to purchase through PayPal" you're saying to many prospects, "GO AWAY, I don't accept your credit card", when the truth is that there is no need to pay by CC as long as that is a transaction via ClickBank. It is completely UNRESONABLE to ask people to pay by PayPal when actually you accept also credit card payments.

3) the buyer has to agree to PURCHASE the ebook AND the BONUS? This is not a very inspired wording. What do you mean by agreeing to purchase a ... BONUS?

* * *

The number of visitors your salesletter had is not quite relevant. The source of traffic is very important.

For example, if the visitors you had by now were coming from traffic exchanges, it was a waste of time and zero sales is a normal result under such conditions. Try to get serious targeted traffic. As for affiliates (if part of the traffic was generated by affiliates), you cannot do anything. Many ClickBank affiliates still dream that they will get sales while using traffic exchanges and other such "wonder" traffic sources.

However, if those visitors were targeted visitors, then it means that your salesletter has a lot of problems and you need to change a lot. Anyway, you need to make tests ...
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sales page review

Postby painternc » Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:24 pm

Adrian - what is traffic exchanges?
Nan
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Re: sales page review

Postby Adrian Jock » Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:34 pm

Nan, read this article from Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traffic_exchange
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Postby sherrinc » Sat Jul 04, 2009 4:15 pm

Thanks Nan and Adrian for your feedback. I've taken your suggestions and did some tweaking, I also changed the link: http://familycampingchecklist.com/Clickbank.html

I appreciate your help!
Sherri
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Postby painternc » Sat Jul 04, 2009 4:36 pm

I got an error page from that link.
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Postby angienewton » Sat Jul 04, 2009 8:30 pm

The link should work now, I went in and edited it for Sherri (it had an extra period at the end).
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Postby sherrinc » Sun Jul 05, 2009 9:57 am

Thanks Angie!
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Postby onlineleben » Wed Jul 08, 2009 4:58 am

Although its nice to see the details of your bonus, i got the impression that there was more written about the bonus product than about the main product.
Right now you only have one order button at the very end of your sales letter. Test if an additional order button before the presentation of the bonus works - remember, you want to sell the product, not the bonus.

Good luck
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Postby sherrinc » Wed Jul 08, 2009 2:46 pm

I was wondering if I should add another order button so thanks for confirming that. I made that change and "beefed up" my copy by adding an excerpt from the guide like I did with the recipes.

I appreciate your help!
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Postby onlineleben » Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:12 am

Sherri,
just checked your site again.
I would put an order button just above "Introductory Offer: $27.00 $17.00 which ..." because there the visitor sees a price and can make a decision if the price justifies the benefits he has just read about.
Good to see that you have put some cosmetics around your guarantee - looks good now, except that the text following it: "Yes Sandy, I'm ..." is not below the guarantee but starts besides it.
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Postby sherrinc » Thu Jul 09, 2009 9:42 am

Moved the order button, it makes more sense to put it where you suggested - I appreciate that.
Good to see that you have put some cosmetics around your guarantee - looks good now, except that the text following it: "Yes Sandy, I'm ..." is not below the guarantee but starts besides it.
Yikes, I thought I fixed that. I guess it would help to check my site after I make changes :oops:

Thanks again for your help,
Sherri
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