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What's this need?

PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 6:35 am
by WAHumor
Here's the sales letter for a new product: ... /index.php

What does it need? I've stared at it too much to tell.

PostPosted: Wed Sep 10, 2008 10:04 am
by Bensettle
My first reaction is to your headline:

"How can you guarantee I can sell ANY product online? Sounds like more Internet hype and empty promises."

You may want to revise your headline so it not only sounds more believable but also differentiates you from the gazillion other sites promising more or less the same thing.

Haven't had a chance to read the rest of it yet...


PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 7:20 pm
by JosephRatliff

For this letter, I might suggest testing an "If / Then" style of headline...

"Promote anything online" requires that you break down the "hype-o-meter" of your prospect...and the If / Then headline does a good job there.

You may also consider an advertorial style of approach with this.

Ben started a thread, I forgot which one unfortunately, that contained one of those ads as a download.

Ben just might...put that link here too.


PostPosted: Thu Sep 11, 2008 9:26 pm
by Bensettle

PostPosted: Fri Sep 12, 2008 8:48 pm
by JosephRatliff
See how awesome Ben is?

That's one reason I included him in my "teachers" list on this post: ... hp?t=25323

PostPosted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 10:03 am
by WAHumor
I'm both happy and sad to say I'm working on this again.

Procrastination runs in my family. Mom waited an extra nine months before I was born, and I came home from the hospital two weeks before my second birthday.

Anyway, hit me high or hit me low, but either way, let me know!


P.S. I hear you all groaning, but it will get better...

PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:57 am
by WAHumor
I'm sincerely hoping this has gotten better. :roll: ... index.html

Show no mercy, I obviously DON'T deserve it.


PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 10:16 am
by lisamariemary
I told you I'm not really good at this, but, two things I noticed were .....

* make your red headline smaller

* make the first graphic (credit card doohickey) smaller

both of those would help me 'flow' to the rest of the text easier...

PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 10:56 am
by terrapin719
did you get some pretty matching bullet points with your template? That would jazz the page up a bit and show your reader's eyes where to go a little more (for those of us that like to skim everything! LOL)

If your template didn't come with any let me look around my graphics file and see what I've got that matches ;)

PostPosted: Fri Jun 12, 2009 1:16 pm
by angienewton
OK, I agree with Lisa Marie about the red headline. It's huge so I would make that smaller for sure. I would have a copywriter look at it for you so you no longer stress over it. Maybe you could offer them a discount or swap your product for their help. Ask on Twitter for a copywriter and maybe you can give them a testimonial in return for their help.

You know me and long sales pages, I never read them so that page is really overwhelming to me. You'll get it done Dan!

Re: What's this need?

PostPosted: Fri Aug 21, 2009 2:09 pm
by jsawvel
I think the headline grabs you. It does seem like a "hypy" ClickBank product, but that doesn't mean the sales letter is bad.

Here is one thing I noticed. At the headline, you want to leave as much mystery as possible, so I wouldn't give them the "answer" too soon.

So, I would word this sentence differently:

"All You Need Is One Hour A Week Using These Quick, Easy Step-By-Step Lessons And You Can Stop Struggling And Start Selling With Top Proven Effective Methods That'll Spark More Results And More Profits!"

To me, this gives them the answer too early and lets the air out of the MYSTERY or the wonderful things your product is going to do. Let their imagination work a little more.