by jonmcculloch » Tue Jun 03, 2008 11:09 am
Obi-Wan: I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. He feared you might follow old Obi-Wan on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.
Luke: What is it?
Obi-Wan: Your father's NLP copywriting training course. This is the weapon of a Jedi Writer. Not as clumsy or random as building relationships, targeting your audience or selling decent products; an elegant arsenal of words for a more uneducated age. For over a thirty years, the Jedi Writers have been pulling the wool over the eyes of unsuspecting clients with fat cheque-books and an unrealistic expectation of what copy can do for them.
Luke: If I learn the Way of the Jedi Writer will I be able to retire to a mansion, drive really fast cars and have hot, fast, and loose women sucking on my lollipop?
Obi-Wan: Anything's possible Luke. Didn't you buy The Secret?
Luke: Sure. I manifested a big fat hole in my bank-balance, too.
Obi-Wan: Funny... that happened to me, too. Until I got the Advanced Version, Volume II. Platinum Level. You'll learn, Son, the easy way to make money when you've been sold rubbish is to turn rubbish-seller yourself. Don't ask questions. It upsets the Balance.
Luke: The Balance of the Force, Master?
Obi-Wan: No, the Balance of my Bank Account. All those refunds... they always come when people start asking questions and thinking for themselves.
Luke: <<shudder>>. You won't catch me thinking for myself, Master, I swear it! I'll swallow any old crap you tell me because otherwise I'm being "negative" and a "naysayer".
Obi-Wan: Good lad. That's $997.
Luke: Anything you say.
Obi-Wan Well... living out here in the desert on my own for so long... did you ever see "Deliverance"...?